Objective

Objective is the lens piece which is close to the object under study. Objective is also the aim or point of living a life objective above all is also a very wrong and boring word to get or chose especially if you are trying to get out of writer's block and trying out free writing. it is an even worse choice if you are at a point in life where there seems to be a lack of it in real life. It is as if you do exist and carry on being employed and and do things to carry on being that but there is no passion and no interest and there is also a lack of dive to do what you are currently doing. what makes the situation even less palpable is that you do not know what else you want and if there is anything that can help you find what you are missing in life. or for that matter may be this is you life and you are not missing anything. this is all the passion and reason and satisfaction you will even have in your life. now that is one sure rock bottom if ever there was one.

Crying

Why do we do it?

Why do we succumb to it.

Why is it such a good release?

Is that also escapism?

Is that damage control?

Is it contrived?

Is it real?

Is it easy?

Is it easier?

Is it defeating?

Is it confusing?

Is it frustrating? Especially to see someone else do it?

New Year New Thoughts

Why is loss more meaningful or poetic than otherwise? Its a new year and it should come with new hopeful possibilities. Why? New year is just another number on the calendar, just another day. Why is there so much of hoopla around it? Why inspite of your better judgement you get carried away in its promise of renewed possibilities and potential that never really does come through?

Its just another day when you lost or gained. Just another hour. Just like any other regular day.

I wish there was less glamour and enthusiasm attached to it.

Its safe to be pessimistic. Is safety over rated? Is pessimism underrated? Does it not over lap with reality? Isnt reality more depressing than pessimism because of its huge overlap with the latter?

Why Do we need to move on? why can;t we just call it a day and put up our boots. Whats the point of moving on when you dont know where you are going? and more importantly why you want to go there...

Movement is just another distraction from what you need to figure out. Just another way from keeping yourself from thinking. Being busy is the perfect form of escaping from everything around you.

Life and Bluffmaster and Inconsequential Gum

There are so many moments in your life that you remember or rather can remember or better yet do remember at a given point of time in life. They need not be or more often than not are not seemingly important. Then what is it that makes them stick? almost like some gum in hair or a leafy speck in the molars. No matter how much you try, you just can not seem to get over them or leave them alone.

Like for some inexplicable reason right now, I remember how shoddily I had sewn hooks onto a very pretty frock that my mom has made for me, back in 10Th standard.(I guess then it should ideally be called a dress to spare my adolescent sensibilities!) Although nice polka dotted thingy, there was nothing about the incident that's worthy of being a part of my memory. Granted that it can be fodder for a psychoanalysis exercise but for the untrained mind, it does not uncover any new insights (Ulrich anyone?! this happens to be the vocabulary of my ex-boss, I had no idea how deeply ingrained some things become, another point in case.)

Another thing that comes or springs to mind is how I karate chopped at my sister's feet while she was leaning against the wall. This caused her to land in a tom-and-jerryish-unceremonious-heap along with some scrapes and bruises. Of course while I was planning in my head, the bruising part had not been covered and was unintentional. The whole thing was supposed to be funny. This again is not one of a kind of an episode. have done much worse and more thoughtless things and this has not scarred me or my sister (literally or figuratively) or our relationship. Nor has it been particularly enlightening or learning an experience. Then what makes it so special?

In both these instances I can clearly remember where we were, what we were doing. These scenes flashing playing in our very own bollywood mode! Shot with amazing clarity and replayed right on cue. Only in this case I don't know what the cue is or was?! Of course at some other point in time, another incident will resurface and play itself out. So my question is why do we spend so much energy in keeping these trivial details locked in our synapses? and energy we do spend (at least physiologically speaking) in first storing and then retrieving these memories.

Literary I guess this is what makes a life, isn't it? A zillion and gazillion small details that come to us on a busy day with long incubation times in between when u are staring into the screen for a line to blip up and down. (ya, not on a sunny afternoon as you gaze into the blue yonder!)

So if I were to have a bluffmaster-boman-irani-moment thrust upon me, then I will have to revert that "30 days are not enough for me boss"!cos apparently I have a lot of memories that make my life lived and I want as much of those inconsequential and unimportant moments peppered with some learning and enlightening moments. As much as I can grab with both my hands and anything else that I can manage! ;)